Bioshock! GREATEST STORY EVAR!!

(First, I gave Bioshock 5/5 because it deserved it. The game is awesome. This is more of a rant about people claiming its the greatest story in the history of video games.)

Everyone needs to remove Bioshock's dick from their mouth. I have been reading a shit ton of web comics and everyone that doesn't have a running premise has a Bioshock comic up. While the game was well done all the way around, most everyone spews how wonderful the story is in the game.

"It's all a matter of perspective: are we judging it against only PS3 games? If so, things are shaping up! If you own more than one console - or a personal computer - your standards for grand storytelling were recently adjusted upward." - Penny Arcade!

That little link at the end of the most recent Penny Arcade stripe takes you to the Bioshock website. Which is saying that your perspective on great story in a video should start with Bioshock, at least for the "next-gen" systems. I mean really. Lets take a look at a classic fantasy story.

1. Random person is going about his/her business with no aspirations at changing anyone else's life but their own.
2. Terrible event occurs and our random person is thrown into an extraordinary situation for which they should no be prepared to handle.
   
3. Random person is then helped by strange figure at the start of their journey and learns the ropes.
4. Random person then goes on long quest against impossible odds to save world/family/love ones.
5. Random person faces various physical and emotional trials on said long quest, showing who they really are. Strange and unforeseen plot twists shock said random person.
   
6. Random person kicks hordes of enemy ass, taking down various sub-bosses before finding real boss and kicking his/her/its ass.

Bamo. There you go. Its standard fare for fantasy stories. So if that is your standard set up for a fantasy game, how can a story be epic if it follows the standard? Well, the telling of the story could be great, with rich characters that you begin to care about and good pacing for the story. Does Bioshock have this? Some of it, yes but not enough to make the story near epic.

The plot in Bioshock requires you to shut off your brain for the next 10-12 hours. Which is great, because as a Sci-Fi fan, its something I do when ever I watch some of my favorite movies. The story its self, though, is trying a bit to hard and they are able to drop various clues a long the way to give you an idea of what is really going on. Not only that, but you have various factions in Bioshock fighting over a substance that is only worth a shit in the city of Rapture. If any one of those crazy mother fuckers came to the surface, they would be thrown into the crazy house and never heard from again. The twist in the story isnt one that surprised me in any way and is a standard sci-fi twist that lacks any real imagination.

So stop. Bioshock was a well done game that deserves all the acclaim its been getting. Comparing other games story lines to Bioshock and saying that we, as a gaming community, need to do the same is fucking stupid. The story was fine, but it was there solely to move you through various stages, show of the kick ass graphics and give you a reason to keep going. It is not a fucking master piece of story telling.